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so tonight I heard a really great sermon.
It is so encouraging to see men that are so passionate about the gospel. So refreshing.
It totally challenges me. I do not give up my right to control my life and I do not let God take control. I am totally all about my own idea of self-preservation. I loved the definition of love being giving up ones self to give glory to another. I think that is the Gospel. Christ was the ultimate disciple.
So humbling.
I am so glad I got to hear that tonight.
After I hear things like this I never know where to go from there. How do you hand the reigns over. I mean, it is scary because your life is going on this track you have carefully planned out yourself and you are giving up that to possibly go in a completely different direction to let your life get what looks like screwed up to earthly standards.
So. hmm.
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| Well. Hello there.
I have been doing a lot of reading recently. mostly just crap novels. However, it is strange how I envy the characters. Their lives seem so much less complicated. Every action is clean and clear and simple. You know, Jane snapped the picture and felt pleased with herself, everything in her life finally seemed to be coming along quite nicely. She cleaned the dishes. He typed the letter and felt relieved once it was sent. I think you get the idea. Life would so nice to not have loose ends, mixed emotions and consequences. It would be nice to be able to know no regrets. But once you have one or two it is hard to make them disappear. You will always have at least one regret. I guess I am just missing the peace I have known. But the bottom line is I wish I could have nice clean simple straight actions in my daily life. Instead I muddle them up with my ever wandering mind and emotions that seem to take over control. I think part of the reason I am finally ready to head back to school is that I will be so busy I won't have time to give in and complicate every day actions. I wonder what that means. Is it a bad or a good thing?
My family is watching the movie 21.
oh and right now i am listening to the call by regina spektor...can't stop listening to it.
I think I might go read some more. I got new shampoo and facewash and conditioner...it is fun to get new stuff like that. yay.
alright. peace out.
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| Weel. haven't been on here much.
Normally I document my life by journal, but this summer, I have just fallen off the wagon. I feel like all I do is work. Nothing exciting has happened. I came into this summer slightly disconnected...from friends, from church issues, from God really. It has been interesting seeing everything slip into connecting...do you know what I am saying?
Part of me is very ready to go back to school. Life is different there. It is good. It can be hard but I like it.
The other part loves my friends that won't be at school. I will miss them and growing apart from them sucks. Maybe I can get better at that this year. It is going to be a busy year, but procrastination will be helpful when trying to keep in touch with friends.
I have already run out of things to say on this blog.
I saw Batman. Such a good movie. Goodness. Heath Ledger was amazing! I really liked the movie. I went at midnight with some of my good friends and work the next day was terrible and then the next night I went out to eat with two other good friends and we saw Mamma Mia! It was okay.
OOH family friends are coming in a week and that is exciting because it means movies and food and stuff and I don't have to pay for it!!! I seriously have zero money and so this is like Christmas.
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| So, I don't usually just write on here when life seems to be peachy and everything going great. But... tonight I had a pretty good night. I went on a family date...sounds swell, huh?
Well. It was. Me and the rents and eldest bro Geoffrey went out to dinner, went and visited the (awesome!!) great aunt Ruth ( no joke...I really have a great aunt named Ruth ), then hit up Barnes and Noble for coffee and reading. It was fun. Altough, whenever I go out with my dad and / or brother we always have this slight routine. At the cash register my dad attempts to be funny and charming...and i always roll my eyes and silently apologize to the cashier followed by my brother and dad talking really loud about some (un) interesting fact about starbucks coffee that I am sure the barista either already knows or does not care! Again followed by my eye rolling and apologizing. Now this is a game we play every time we visit said locations. Yet, I almost feel it is tradition or just a funk we have settled into. Regardless, tonight was nice.
Work is kinda stupid. I don't think I am going to get enough hours which means my mother will be right...yet again. This also means I should probably get another job...so I would have two jobs I guess... stinky. I am kinda sorta hoping that maybe I could babysit for someone or something...well. who knows. I hope it just works itself out.
Well I gotta work tomorrow so I am off to bed. Night all.
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| So. I am sitting at home in my very clean and ordered room. I discovered recently that my life cannot be in any good condition without some organization surrounding me... so I am no longer a messy person. This is quite the breakthrough for me and I think my mother is rejoicing because she often hears me say things like "everything needs a place!" and "How could I ever survive in such a mess???" These are things she used to say to me.
Anyways, sitting here on a blue bean bag type chair that is filled with funny styrofoam things listening to a stack of probably at least twenty cds that I stole from my brother I am pondering things. I haven't listened to new music in so long. The job hunt did not go well at all. I applied a lot of places but it looks like I will end up back at City Bites for the summer. I am picking up three shifts the next three nights and I am actually really excited to get out of the house and do something for once. Lately I feel like my friends here are kinda jerks. Ya know, don't call when they say they will, don't invite me to do stuff, blow me off. It has been pretty frustrating.
But working will be good because I have been bumming off my parents for the past like two or three weeks. I went to a summer conference about a week and a half ago and I learned so much. Sometimes I really do not feel close to God... I feel myself just apathetically going through life. That is such a bad place to be in...
I think it is really good to have purpose and a goal. Oh man, maybe I should find that book called a purpose driven life... I wonder if it addresses issues such as this...
Anyways, I have been listening to my brother's music, trying to broaden my musical tastes and reading my friends blogs. It has been interesting and what inspired me to actually get back on here. I have a goal to read this summer. However, the past couple of days I just haven't felt like reading. I have been carrying around a couple books like The Screwtape Letters and another one I can't remember the name of. I am just so not motivated. I do not feel like reading books about theology or Christianity...what does that mean? I just get so fed up with people always talking about Christianity and debating theology and I don't see people living it out. I just get kinda sick of it.
I went to the Paseo district in OKC on Sunday with my friends Natalie and Peter and Evelyn. I had a really good time even though I may have been kinda tired and not talkative. I really like those people. Peter lives in Texas and is dating Natalie. They both went to JBU and I really liked hanging out with them. It was good since I have been kinda frustrated with my friends from home.
Well this is long and I doubt anyone will have actually read it, but ah well. (That is why I am calling it quits now-ish)
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